Sunday, April 7, 2013

Dating as a Single Mom

As a child, I used to imagine what it would be like to be a mother.  I pictured myself doing a lot of things that I do now, every day.  I didn't picture myself dating.  I always thought that I would fall in love, get married, and then have a child.  Things didn't work out that way, but I still want to get married.  I would love to eventually have more children.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone with a growing herd of cats.  That leads me to dating.

The very idea of being a single mother is controversial.  I have a received a lot of not-so-positive comments on the idea of being a single mother, then when you throw the word 'dating' out there, things can get downright rude.  This is one situation where no one's opinion matters.  No one!  It doesn't matter to me if someone thinks I am a bad person for winding up as a single mother, or that I'm selfish for wanting to find a partner.  It just doesn't matter, because it isn't true.  No matter how hard some things might be, there are situations where you have to do what you know is best for you and your child, and ignore anyone who tells you something different.

I'm not searching for someone to be my daughter's new father.  I'm not going to settle down with the first man I meet just so my daughter can have a two-parent household.  It'll be wonderful if it happens, but she won't suffer if it doesn't.  I'm dating for me.  I am a mother, but I am not just a mother.  It's okay to date, even though I have a child.  It's okay to want to have a little time to myself, and to want to find someone who will make me happy.  It doesn't mean I love my daughter any less.  It doesn't make me any less of a mother.  Part of being a parent is setting a good example for your child.  I dont want Midge to grow up thinking she has to lose herself when she has a child, because that's what mommy did.

Today, this single momma has a date.  I'm going out to lunch with a very nice man, who could be a good friend or could one day be my husband.  It's been a long time since I've been on a date, and I can't guarantee I even remember how.  In a few minutes, I'm going to get off of the computer, take a shower, and go out and live my life.  I didn't die when I became a singe mother.  I shouldn't sit at home and act like I did.

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